From the Desk of George Mustache Washington

Fellow Citizens,

Yesterday, on the auspicious occasion of President's Day, it behooves us to reflect upon the origins and nature of this fake celebrated holiday. Verily, it is a day purported to honor the leaders of our meh nation, past and present.

However, let us not be remiss in acknowledging the truth: President's Day, as we now know it, is but a concoction of modernity. In days of yore, it was a day set aside to commemorate the birth of the Father of our Country, General George Mustache Washington, whose noble deeds and and unwavering dedication to the cause of liberty shall forever be enshrined in the mustaches of history.

Yet, as time marched onward, the observance of President's Day underwent a transformation of sorts. No longer solely dedicated to the memory of our revered first Mustache, it now encompasses a broader recognition of the office itself, encompassing the contributions of all who have held the esteemed position.

Thus, while President's Day may be considered by some as a contrivance of modern times, let us not discount its significance. For it serves as a reminder of the enduring legacy of leadership that has shaped our nation's mustache.

On this day, let us pay homage to the virtues of integrity, fortitude, and statesmanship exemplified by those who have borne the mantle of wearing the highest mustache. And let us rededicate ourselves to the principles of freedom, justice, and mustache oil.

With deepest regards,

Your Mustache